BEING SELFISH REQUIRES ENERGY (book excerpt)

"It is not easy having a family member or friend with depression. A great number of people battling depression, myself included, can be laughing and joking one day, then nobody will hear from me for a month or two. I may consistently cancel plans and might not always show up, but it isn't because I don't care. I understand how that behavior can seem selfish to someone on the receiving end of it. Let me tell you this, people with depression are far from selfish. Being selfish requires energy, and the majority of severely depressed individuals have no energy.

One of the worst things you can do to someone that has depression is become upset with them for their actions, or lack there of. You can't be mad at someone who has autism. You can't be mad at someone that has cancer, they can't help it. Just as someone that has depression can't help their chemical imbalance. It does not help matters if someone you love and care about, becomes so angry and frustrated with your behavior they just want to shake you and scream, "What is the matter with you, why can't you just get out of bed and get on with your day like the rest of us?" That is called belittling.

Some old school folks may think, "A good talking to," and some, "Tough love," will snap us right out of it. Trust me, this is definitely not the right approach to take. I can almost guarantee you the vast majority of people suffering with clinical depression, again myself included, have already been asking themselves, "Why can't I just get out of bed and get on with my day like the rest of you?" Please do not assume we have never heard that line. We invented that line."

SIGNS OF DEPRESSION

The signs of depression may be hard to catch at first, especially in teens and young people. However, once you have identified them, you will become much more aware for the future, if need be. I know we have all heard the warning signs and we have all read them, again and again. The thing is, you never know when you might need this information. Depression does not have to run in your family, a tragedy does not have to happen for someone to become seriously depressed. If you are concerned for yourself, or someone you care about, take a second look at some of these warning signs:

• Mood swings
• Lack of interest (in anything/everything)
• Isolating
• Needy
• Oversleeping
• Excessive crying
• "I'll do it tomorrow," type attitude
• Lack of cleanliness
• Sad/down in the dumps

These are just a few signs of depression, or clues to watch for. Trust your intuition. Contact a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. There is help available for everyone!

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"THINGS COULD BE WORSE"

How do you see the glass, half full or half empty? Do you look on the bright side? What about thinking things could be worse? I have a slight problem with the,  "things could be worse" theory. Things can of coarse always be worse, but things can also be better! Negatives can become positives, with work and change. Life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change. Don't accept a bad situation merely because it, "could" be worse, that's taking the easy way out. That type of thinking does not empower you to fight or become a stronger person. In some instances I would say it is acceptable to use this cliche; a car accident for example, where the car was totaled, but no one got hurt -- that could have been worse. If you find yourself in a constant state of depression, or misery, and you always think, "I accept this because, after all, it could be worse," that is not okay, but it is typical of the depressed mind. Again, true to my book title, it's the depression talking. It's little things like this we might not notice that keep us stuck in that negative state of mind. Changing little things like this can make all the difference in the world to someone that is prone to depression or negativity. Pay close attention to that voice in your head, folks. It truly makes a difference!

"ANXIETY" BOOK EXCERPT

In keeping with the anxiety theme, this is an excerpt from my book which explains just one instance I remember of being filled with anxiety when faced with leaving the house for a short time.


    "I was out of my antidepressant medication and somehow I kept forgetting to get it refilled. After about two and a half days, I could feel the crying and the tears coming way to easily when I saw a something touching on TV, or thought of something from my past. The negative thoughts picked up. I was criticizing myself for little things that didn't really matter. This is depression starting to talk. Its the big, bad grizzly bear slowly coming out of hibernation. All I needed to do was call the pharmacy and use their automated refill service. I didn't even have to talk to a real person. Sometimes talking to someone, even over the phone, can send me off the deep end. I call it phone anxiety. (I will talk more about phone anxiety later.)
     It was nearly 1:30 in the afternoon and I was still in bed. I was trying yet again, to talk myself out of the bedroom and into the outside world. It sent me into a full blown anxiety attack knowing I had to leave the house. Carrying out this minor errand was absolutely overwhelming. The racing thoughts started, "If I'm going out than I absolutely have to take a shower first. What time is it, is it a busy time of day when there will be a lot of people in the store that will be watching me walk to the pharmacy counter? Can I put this off one more day? No, I can feel myself slipping I have to get my medication today.  It's such a beautiful spring day outside, I will feel better once I get outside..."
     Four hours later, no shower, and dark sunglasses on to hide my eyes, and as much of my face as I could, I managed to get into my car and drive the long, dreaded five minutes to the pharmacy. Driving along a small neighborhood side street  (I normally take side streets to avoid people and other drivers) I noticed the sun. Then I noticed the blue sky.  I seen that the house on the corner had pretty new pink and white petunias planted in the yard.  I noticed a mom and her adorable little boy playing ball. "It really is a gorgeous day, I do feel better getting out. See, all that worry for nothing. What is wrong with you, Bobbie?" Then I seen a brand new, shiny red Cadillac parked in a driveway. My dad loved Cadillac's and always had one, that is why it grabbed my attention. "Wow, dad would love that Caddy! I sure wish that was mine. But I will never have a nice car like that, much less a brand new Cadillac! You're such an idiot, why did you do this to your life, you screwed up everything. Now you're going to be fifty years old with nothing. You're a horrible mother for letting all this happen. Why did dad have to die so young anyway? I miss him so much. What if I die young like him and my kids won't have a mom. It's not like I'm any good to them anyway. They would be better off without me as their mother that's for sure."
     A little rough on myself, you think? That's nothing. It can get much worse.  However, that is a very typical, and very real scenario for some people battling depression and anxiety. Think about living that way. Daily. For years. Every time you have to step outside your front door. Would you want to face that day after day? Probably not."

EMPLOYMENT & MENTAL ILLNESS

Employment and mental illness, a controversial topic, for sure. The other day I read that, Rand Paul, a republican senator, is claiming that the social security system is broken because to many people with, "Backaches and anxiety," are getting a check every month. Now, I realize there are people cheating the system. I know there are people out there collecting a monthly check and working under the table for cash. However, I am not talking about those people right now, and neither is this, "Rand Paul," person. I am talking about the specific group of people he targeted -- US!! I am sure most of you who come read my blog are afflicted with mental illness in some form or another. I, personally, have suffered tremendously with both anxiety and back issues. I suffer much more with major depression than anxiety, but I certainly have my fair share of major anxiety, as well as anxiety attacks. So, I do know what it entails. This senator says, "Everybody gets a little anxious before work, join the club!" (With a giggle from his audience.) I have heard these politicians say some pretty asinine things before, but this one takes the cake, by far!! The form of anxiety that keeps one from not only holding a job, but leading a somewhat "normal" life, isn't the anxious someone gets before they might have to speak in front of co-workers, or present a big project to the big wigs. Obviously, Mr. Paul, didn't do his homework. Anxiety disorders are crippling. Anxiety disorders prevent people from living. An anxiety attack strikes without any warning, at anytime, anywhere. And when it happens to you alone, in a public place, it feels like death. Well, let me retract that, it feels like death even if you aren't in public. It becomes so debilitating people can't leave their house for days, weeks, even months at a time, due to the fear and worry of anxiety. It is extreme impending fear. And once that happens to you, believe me, life is never the same again. I know Mr. Paul is now getting blasted all over the place for his comment, and rightfully so! But, as we all know so well, there are many that think the same way he does. Because of their lack of knowledge, I am devoting the next 3 blog sessions to them! I will blog only about anxiety for the next 3 days. Come back tomorrow folks and send all the uneducated this way!! Any of your comments are WELCOME! Anything in particular you want me to include? EMAIL ME: itsthedepressiontalking@gmail.com

SLEEP AND DEPRESSION

Sleep has always been a major factor with my depression. I have spoke with many fellow sufferers who agree that during a depressive episode, they too suffer with some sort of sleep dysfunction. Depression can absolutely drain a person, mentally and physically. As I stated in my book, "It's The Depression Talking," I have unconsciously slept years away to escape feelings of emotional pain. Depression left me exhausted all of the time. It was nothing for me to sleep 12-14 hours straight, and still wake up feeling like I could sleep longer! Years before I ever realized it was depression that was responsible for my endless slumber I used to think there was something physically wrong with me, that I was sick in some way. I was constantly told I was lazy, and told to get up, get a life, get a job, etc. When I couldn't get up I in turn believed maybe I really was lazy, that I didn't really want a job, that I was a loser and didn't care about anything but laying around and sleeping. I was taught to believe the stigma. It wasn't until many, many years later did I realize, "Hey, maybe there really is something going on here." Sleep was my first sign of depression from way back when I was a young teen, but nobody knew that back then. I literally used to skip school to sleep, while my friends were skipping school to drive around and have fun. Now days with the help of medication my time is not spent sleeping days away. However, when I start feeling the overwhelming need for a lot of sleep the first thing I do is evaluate how I am feeling. I ask myself, "Okay, could I be coming down with a cold maybe? Am I overly stressed and just need a harmless nap to rejuvenate, or is this something else? Else as in, the start of a depression. If I have learned one thing about depression in all the years I have had it, it is to be proactive and pay very close attention to how you are feeling and how your thoughts are. If I am thinking extremely negatively for a few days, and I suddenly have an overwhelming need for sleep that is so bad I can barely function, I know that is probably not normal. Therefore, I need to reevaluate what is going on in my life and in my thoughts. Knowledge is power! Pay attention folks!