"ANXIETY" BOOK EXCERPT

In keeping with the anxiety theme, this is an excerpt from my book which explains just one instance I remember of being filled with anxiety when faced with leaving the house for a short time.


    "I was out of my antidepressant medication and somehow I kept forgetting to get it refilled. After about two and a half days, I could feel the crying and the tears coming way to easily when I saw a something touching on TV, or thought of something from my past. The negative thoughts picked up. I was criticizing myself for little things that didn't really matter. This is depression starting to talk. Its the big, bad grizzly bear slowly coming out of hibernation. All I needed to do was call the pharmacy and use their automated refill service. I didn't even have to talk to a real person. Sometimes talking to someone, even over the phone, can send me off the deep end. I call it phone anxiety. (I will talk more about phone anxiety later.)
     It was nearly 1:30 in the afternoon and I was still in bed. I was trying yet again, to talk myself out of the bedroom and into the outside world. It sent me into a full blown anxiety attack knowing I had to leave the house. Carrying out this minor errand was absolutely overwhelming. The racing thoughts started, "If I'm going out than I absolutely have to take a shower first. What time is it, is it a busy time of day when there will be a lot of people in the store that will be watching me walk to the pharmacy counter? Can I put this off one more day? No, I can feel myself slipping I have to get my medication today.  It's such a beautiful spring day outside, I will feel better once I get outside..."
     Four hours later, no shower, and dark sunglasses on to hide my eyes, and as much of my face as I could, I managed to get into my car and drive the long, dreaded five minutes to the pharmacy. Driving along a small neighborhood side street  (I normally take side streets to avoid people and other drivers) I noticed the sun. Then I noticed the blue sky.  I seen that the house on the corner had pretty new pink and white petunias planted in the yard.  I noticed a mom and her adorable little boy playing ball. "It really is a gorgeous day, I do feel better getting out. See, all that worry for nothing. What is wrong with you, Bobbie?" Then I seen a brand new, shiny red Cadillac parked in a driveway. My dad loved Cadillac's and always had one, that is why it grabbed my attention. "Wow, dad would love that Caddy! I sure wish that was mine. But I will never have a nice car like that, much less a brand new Cadillac! You're such an idiot, why did you do this to your life, you screwed up everything. Now you're going to be fifty years old with nothing. You're a horrible mother for letting all this happen. Why did dad have to die so young anyway? I miss him so much. What if I die young like him and my kids won't have a mom. It's not like I'm any good to them anyway. They would be better off without me as their mother that's for sure."
     A little rough on myself, you think? That's nothing. It can get much worse.  However, that is a very typical, and very real scenario for some people battling depression and anxiety. Think about living that way. Daily. For years. Every time you have to step outside your front door. Would you want to face that day after day? Probably not."