I SPOKE TO SOON

I just finished an article for an internet magazine about holiday and seasonal depression. As I was telling a friend about the article, I mentioned that I personally have never had the, "holiday blues." The time of year has never made much of a difference in my depression. Well, that was true -- until yesterday. Me and my big mouth. I was putting up the tree with my 11-year old son when I came across a few nostalgic items. Things that I see every year when we bring out the Christmas decorations that have never affected me in a negative way before. An old cermanic gingerbread man my 16-year old daughter made in kindergarten, her first Christmas photograph, an old bulb that belonged to my great grandparents, and a calendar my son made for 2011, with his picture in a tall colorful new years hat. He looked so different, so little. These things set off a wild fire of feelings inside me. I had to get up and go in the bathroom to keep him from seeing me cry. I am glad they are in school right now and can't see me crying again as I type this. I haven't cried in months, and its been nice. I have that sick feeling in my stomach that makes me want to gag. That only means one thing for me, anxiety. I can only hope this is something that will pass, a lingering realization of how fast time flies, maybe? A touch of the holiday blues that will fade over the next couple of days? I don't know yet, but the mere thought that it's anything more makes me want to panic. Here is to hoping! I will let you know!